Sounds like a fun game doesn’t it? Well, it’s not. It’s daily real life here in the Beasley house and to say that it’s frustrating would almost be like lying because it’s that and so, so much more. Not only for my precious 4 year old who’s oh so quick to tell you that he’s getting ready to turn 5. You won’t be able to understand him though, so eventually you’ll look up at me with a look I know all too well and I will tell you, he’s turning 5 next month. He’ll continue on some more and there will be your awkward general responses to what he has to say because you can’t make heads or tails of it. Then there will be the icky silence between you and I as you stand there trying to figure out if my child is mentally delayed and if I’m aware that there is a problem because I don’t act like there is one. Trust me, he’s not mentally delayed. He’s sharp as a tack but for some reason, he just can’t talk. Yes, I am aware that there is an issue and I am doing everything I can for him.
It’s has been and continues to be a very rough road for Dex. In more ways than most people will even realize or stop to think about. In more ways than I ever realized and in more ways than I will probably ever come to know.
There are some things that I do know, that I am certain of.
I love my son and I know he loves me too.
He’s not a quitter and I am proud of him.
I am proud of every word that comes out of that little mouth, even if you can’t understand it, even if I can’t understand it, because as hard as it is for him to be understood. He keeps hanging in there. Can you imagine what if must feel like for him to not be understood by his friends? His teacher? At home he’s safe and can always manage to get what he needs or wants but to be out in the world without Mom and trying to make yourself understood and not always being successful. That must feel very scary and frustrating. You wouldn’t know it though, he’s tough like that and loves to go to school and play with his friends and be with his teachers.
He always does his best, he knows he’s special and he knows what he has to say matters.
I can tell you without a doubt that my son has the worst speech delay I have ever heard. I’ve heard some speech impediments in my day and some kids who were a little hard to understand and then came Dexter.
It’s not uncommon for a child to be difficult to understand by people who are not around them day in and day out but I’m here all day, every day and I have been for going on 4 years now and to be honest I probably only understand 30-40% of his speech.
I feel so guilty asking “What? What?” When I finally get it it feels great, both for him and me but oftentimes I just don’t get it and resort to asking him to show me what he’s talking about.
It took me nearly 2 years to convince Early Intervention that we had a speech delay. I knew something wasn’t right but because he was able to say the word “block” or “phone” when they asked he didn’t make the cut. By the time he turned 3 he was harder to understand than the average 1 year old. They finally put him in their “program” which amounts to 1 hour of speech in a preschool class a week.
I thought when he finally “qualified” we’d get some real help but I’ve come to realize that I am truly on my own here. We do the work here. As the parent, it is YOUR job to help your child. I naively thought Early Intervention and speech therapy was the “cure” for Dexter’s speech issues but it’s really time, persistence and lots and lots of patience.
I guess that’s one of the biggest misconceptions about Early Intervention is that as a parent, you feel as though they are coming to the rescue, to “intervene” as their name suggests and help your child. They do help your child but once you realize that they are just a tool to help you help your child, more progress can be made. They set the stage and show you how and what to do, then you actually have to put in the work. They plant the seed and you have to tend the garden.
I break down words he’s saying strangely, which is just about everything and have him repeat. I repeat words back to him. Sometimes this makes him mad and to be honest, I can’t blame him. We play speech games he brings home from speech class. I direct him to articulate better if he wants something and give him what he wants as the reward for trying to correct the speech. We read, read and read some more. We sing, which he loves because even if he’s saying the words wrong, the words are known and understood. Songs are 100% success all the time. I can’t focus on it all the time like he really needs me to but I do my best with the time that I have.
He will talk and talk and talk with enthusiasm all over his face for the awesome things he’s sharing with me, his Mom, his biggest cheerleader and fan and I try so hard not to let on that I can’t make heads or tails out of what he’s telling me. I’ve become an expert at responding to his facial expressions and tone of voice vs. the words that I can’t make out.
He starts kindergarten next year and I’ll be honest when I say that I am scared for him. I have never met a kindergartener I couldn’t understand. Will he be teased? Will the other kids want to play with him? Will he have a hard time making friends? Will his teacher have the patience he needs? Will he do OK in the classroom? How will all of this make him feel about himself and school? While I have yet to have these questions answered, I certainly do have high hopes.
Dominic is great at communicating with Dex and can oftentimes tell what he’s saying even when I can’t. I am so happy that Dex has that kind of relationship with his big brother.
I’ve never had these kind of worries before for any of my children. I feel like we’ve put years of work in and haven’t really seen any progress and it’s frustrating.
It feels like I’m caught up in playing an all day game of charades with one of my kids, only it’s not fun for either one of us and it’s really not a game and nobody’s winning.
The Professional Worrier 